Onion's take on consumerism 
Monday, June 18, 2007, 06:11 PM - John, Funny
The Onion and cheese are the best things from Wisconsin. Working for them would make living there bearable. Yo, check it:

"Five a.m. is when the facility is most vulnerable to attack, when the morning shift security personnel replace the overnight crew," said Adib Dhakwan, the cell's second-in-command. "Unfortunately, Starbucks doesn't open until six, and I don't know about you, but if I don't have that first cup of coffee, forget it."

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But all these extra things—where do the Americans put them? How many times will you use a taco-shell holder? 'Oh, I really need this silverware-drawer sorter or I will have fits.' Shut up, stupid American."


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